Page 208 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

– You must have really loved them very much. Who are you, girl?

I had a tickle in my throat and was unable to squeeze a word out for some time.
The pain of the terrible loss was so strong and at the same time I was so sad for this
"lost soul" which would find it very difficult to exist with such a burden...
– I am Svetlana. And she is Stella. We just walk here – visit friends or help
somebody when we can. To tell the truth we have no friends left now …

– I am sorry, Svetlana, although it certainly will change nothing, even if I beg for
your pardon all the time... What happened happened and I cannot change anything. But
I can change what will be, right? – The man fixed his sky blue eyes at me and on
smiling the sorrowful smile, pronounced:
– And one more thing... You say that I have a free choice, but it turns out that it’s not
so free in the end, dear. It rather looks like atonement for the guilt, with which I
certainly agree. But in fact it’s your choice that I must live for your friends, because
they gave their life for me. But I did not ask for it, right? Therefore it’s not my choice...
I looked at him, quite dumbfounded. But instead of "proud indignation" ready to
break loose from my mouth, the understanding of what he was saying gradually grew
in me. No matter how strange or offensive it might sound, it was a sincere truth! Even
if I did not like it at all…
Yes, my friends’ death hurt me painfully, because I shall never see them again. I
shall never lead our marvellous, "eternal" conversations with my friend Svetilo in his
strange cave filled with light and heartfelt warmth and merry Maria will never show us
interesting places which Dean had found and her laughter will never again sound like
a merry bell... And it was especially painful that this quite unknown to us man will now
live instead of them...

But on the other hand, he did not ask us to interfere. He did not ask anyone to
die for him. He did not want to take somebody’s life. And now he will have to live
with this heaviest burden, trying to "pay off" the guilt with his future deeds which in
reality was not his guilt. Rather it was the guilt of that terrible unearthly creature
which, on seizing our stranger’s spirit, killed "far and wide".
Yes, it was not his fault.

So, how was it possible to tell who was right and who was guilty, if the truth
belonged to both sides? There was no doubt that in that moment life seemed me, a
confused ten year old girl, too difficult and multi-sided to choose only between "yes"
and "no", because there were too many different sides and opinions in every act we did,
and it seemed incredibly difficult to find a right answer which would be correct for
all...
– Do you remember anything at all? Who were you? What is your name? How
long have you been here? – I asked to leave the delicate topic, unpleasant for
everybody.
The stranger was engrossed in thoughts for a while.

– My name was Arnault. I only remember how I lived there, on Earth. And I
remember how I "went"... I died, right? After that I remember nothing, although I
would like to very much.

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