Page 241 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

Pope. He was a true master of tortures, a black genius which could finally "lull" my
everyday fear!

From the first day of being in his hands I subconsciously wanted so much to
believe that I had a chance, although a tiny one, to escape. And I was caught like a
blind kitten which did not have an opportunity even to open his eyes... And Caraffa
strengthened my faith that I could have a fragile and tiny "chance", drop after drop,
day after a day, being so calm and behaving like a man of the world, using the beauty
of the rooms in which he lodged me and showing his stunning library the day before.
And he succeeded – I believed... and lost.
– Oh, my dear Isidora, you are so clever, aren’t you? Do you really think that I
will believe that you are sincerely waiting for some "just" sentence... when it is I who
pronounce it?

It was the real Caraffa – a fanatic-inquisitor which suddenly got unlimited power.
And maybe he had aspired to exactly this kind of power for so many long years? But
now it did not matter for me what he wished. Suddenly I understood very clearly that I
could find myself in the place where my kind teacher was now, hanging on the same
terrible hook, in any second... if Caraffa wished it.
– But what about God?! Aren’t you really afraid even of Him?
– Oh, come on, Isidora! – Caraffa smiled rapaciously. – God will forgive me
everything I do in His glory!

It was madness, and my fragile hope, writhing, began to die...
– Have you thought about my offer, Madonna? I hope you had enough time to get
a clear idea of your situation and I won’t have to inflict the next blow.

My heart grew cold with terror – what will be his "next blow"? But I had to answer
and was not going to show how terribly afraid I was.
– If I am not mistaken, you have offered your friendship to me, Your Holiness. But
friendship, got by instilling fear, is worthless. I don’t wish to have this kind of
friendship, even if I have to suffer. I am not afraid of pain. It is more frightful when the
soul hurts.
– What a child you are, dear Isidora! – Caraffa began to laugh. – It’s like books
– there is "suffering" and SUFFERING. And I sincerely advise you not to try the
second option!

– Anyway, you are a not friend, Giovanni. You don’t even know what this word
means... I perfectly understand that I am fully in your cruel hands, but I don’t care
what will happen to me now...
It was the first time I called him by his name and I did it on purpose, wishing to
anger him. It was true – I was almost a child in everything that concerned evil and had
no idea yet what this rapacious, but, unfortunately, very clever, man was truly capable
of.

– Well, you have decided, Madonna. Blame yourself then.
His servant briskly took my arm and pushed me into the narrow corridor. I thought
it was the end and now Caraffa would give me to the executioners...
We went deeply downward, passing a great number of small, heavy doors behind

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