Page 26 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

I had no idea whatsoever what had to be done to "light it up". I just concentrated
on the fire and wished very much for it to happen. A minute passed, but nothing
changed... Boys (and they are always and everywhere a bit wicked) began to laugh at
me, saying that the only thing I could do was "guess" when I needed to. It was very
offensive for me – I honestly tried to do my best, but that, certainly, interested nobody.
They needed a result which I failed to produce.

To tell the truth, even I do not know what happened then. Maybe I felt very
strong indignation that they laughed at me, which I did not deserve at all, or the bitter
offense of a child was roused too mightily? One way or another, I suddenly felt as if
my whole body froze (it would seem that it should be to the contrary); the real "fire"
pulsated with explosive impulses only in my hands. I got up, turned and sharply threw
my left arm forward. Terrible roaring flame flashed out of my hand right into the place
with the firewood. Everybody began to yell... and I recovered consciousness already
at home, feeling a cutting pain in my hands, back and head. My whole body burned,
as if I lay on a burning hot pan. I did not feel like moving or even opening my eyes.
My mother was in shock about my "trick" and accused me of "all possible sins",
and the main reproach was that I did not hold to my word that I had given her, which
for me was worse than any all-devouring physical pain. I was so sad that this time she
did not want to understand me, and at the same time I felt an unprecedented pride,
that I, nevertheless, did not "lose face" and somehow I could do what I was expected
to do.

Certainly, today all this looks a bit funny and childishly naive, but then it was
very important for me to prove, that I could be useful to someone for something with
all, as they called it, my "tricks", and that they were not mad fables, but the most real
reality which now they should take into account, even a little bit. If only everything
could be so simple, as in a child's thoughts...

Loneliness

As it appeared later, not only my mother was horrified by what I had done. When
the neighbouring mothers heard their children's stories about what had happened, they
immediately required their children to keep away from me. This time I indeed
remained all alone, and because I was a very proud little human being, I was not going
to ask anybody to be my friend, not for the world. But it is one thing to show one's
attitude, and quite another – to live with it....
I loved my friends, the street and all who lived there very much and I always
tried to bring some joy and good to anybody. And now I was all alone and the only
person to blame for it was me, because I was unable to withstand the simplest and
inoffensive child's provocation. But what could I do, when I was a child myself then?
But the child, who gradually began to understand that not everybody in this world
deserved proof of something, and even if you prove something to somebody, it did
not absolutely mean that the person, to whom you do that, would necessarily
understand you correctly.

In a few days I physically came back to normal and felt fairly well enough, but
since then I have never desired to set a fire. Regrettably, I had to pay for my

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