Page 27 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

"experiment" for quite a long time. I was in complete isolation from all my favourite
games and friends for some time. It vexed me a lot and seemed very unfair. When I
told that to my poor kind mother, she did not know what to say. She loved me very
much and wanted to protect me from any troubles and offenses. But on the other hand,
little by little, she started being scared of what almost constantly happened to me.

Regrettably, that was a "dark" time, when it was not "accepted" to speak openly
about this kind of "strange" and unusual thing. Everything was preserved in very strict
frames of how it "must" or "must not" be and everything "inexplicable" or "eccentric"
was flatly hushed or considered abnormal. To tell the truth, I slightly envy those
gifted children who were born at least twenty years later than me, when all these
"eccentric" abilities were not considered a curse, but, on the contrary, they started to
be called a GIFT. And now nobody badgers or sends these poor "unusual" children
to madhouses, but on the contrary, they are valued and respected, as unique children
endowed with a special gift and talent.
Regrettably, nobody was delighted with my "talents" at all then, quite the
contrary. Several days later after my "scandalous" adventure with fire, a neighbour
"confidentially" said to my mother that she knew a "very good doctor" which treats
exactly "problems" of the kind I had and if my mother wanted she would be
delighted to introduce her to him. It was the first time, when my mother was directly
"advised" to send me off to a madhouse.

Later there was a lot of similar "advice", but I remember that exactly then my
mother was extremely distressed and cried for a long time, shut in her room. She never
told me about this offer, but a neighbouring boy betrayed a "secret". It was his mother
who gave such "precious" advice to mine. Certainly, thank goodness, nobody took me
to any doctor, but I felt that I had crossed some "line" with my last "acts", behind
which even my mother was unable to understand me. And there was nobody who
would help me, explain or simply calm me as a friend, let alone, teach…
So, I "floundered" in guesses and errors in stiff solitude, without anybody's
support or understanding. There were some things which I tried and some which I did
not dare to try. Some of them turned out to be successful, some did not. And how
often I was simply terrified, like any other human being! Honestly speaking, I
continued to "flounder" till I was 33, because until then I had not found anybody, who
would somehow explain at least something intelligible to me. Although, there always
were more than enough people who wished to do so, having no idea whatsoever what
they were talking about…

Time was passing by. Sometimes it seemed to me that everything that was
happening did not happen to me or that it was just a strange fairy-tale which I invented.
Regrettably, the fairy-tale was too real a reality. So, I had to abide by the
circumstances and, which is more important, live with it. Everything went smoothly
at school, just like before. I got "excellent" in all subjects, and my parents had no
problems at least with that. Rather, on the contrary – being still in the fourth grade, I
could solve very complicated algebra and geometry tasks and did that, as if it were
child's play, enjoying it enormously.
Also I loved my music and drawing lessons. I drew almost all the time and

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