Page 30 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

possibly know came to light in my memory more often, and their number increased
with every day. I got a little tired of the "influx" of unknown information which,
highly likely, was too much for my child's psyche, but since it came from somewhere,
then probably it was necessary for something, and I calmly accepted it, just as I
always accepted everything unknown which my strange and unpredictable fate
brought me.

Although sometimes this information manifested in a very amusing form – I
suddenly began to see very bright images of unknown places and people, as if being
among them. "Normal" reality disappeared and I found myself in a world, "closed" to
others, which only I alone could see. I could remain there for a long time, standing
"rooted to the ground" somewhere in the middle of a street, seeing nothing and
reacting to anything, until some frightened and sympathetic passer-by began to shake
me, trying to "bring me to my senses" and find out whether everything was all right
with me.
Despite being so young, I had already perfectly understood then (from my own
bitter experience), that everything that constantly happened to me seemed absolutely
abnormal to the rest of the "normal" people according to their usual norms (although
I was already prepared to argue about "normality" with anyone then). Therefore, as
soon as somebody tried to help me in these "unusual" situations, I usually began to
convince the kind helper that I was absolutely all right and there was no reason
whatsoever to worry about me. Well, I did not always succeed in that and often it
ended in calling my poor, ever-patient, mother who came to fetch me after the call…

So, this was my difficult and sometimes funny childhood reality in which I lived
then. Since I had no choice, I had to find something "light and wonderful" even in that
where others, I think, would never find it. I remember that I sadly asked my grandma
after my next unusual "incident":
– Why does my life differ so much from the life of
others? Grandma shook her head, hugged me and

quietly answered:

– Life, my dear, is one tenth what happens to us and nine tenths how we react
to it. React joyfully, my little one! Otherwise sometimes it will be very difficult to
exist. As for your difference, in the beginning we all are different one way or
another. It’s just, you will be growing up and life will gradually "trim" you down to
general requirements, and whether you want to be like others will depend entirely on
you.
I did not. I loved my unusual colourful world and would not change it for all the
tea in China. Regrettably, any wonderful thing in our life has a very high price, and
one truly has to love it very much not to be hurt when paying for it. And as we all
know very well, we have to pay always and for everything... But doing it consciously,
you feel the satisfaction of free choice, when your choice and free will depend only
on you. And to my mind, this is truly worth paying any price, even if sometimes it
costs you too much. But let me come back to my fast.
Two weeks had already passed and I still wanted to eat nothing, to my mother’s
huge distress, and oddly enough, physically I felt strong and perfectly well. Since I

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