Page 289 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

not have strength left to lie...

– I will not help you simply because, if you live longer than it is fated, you will
exterminate the best half of humanity... the most gifted and cleverest. You do too much
harm, Holiness... and have no right to live long. I am sorry... – and added very quietly.
– In fact our life is not always measured by the number of years we have lived, Your
Holiness, and you perfectly know that...
– Well, Madonna, as you wish... When you finish, you will be taken to your rooms.

To my greatest surprise he calmly rose and went away without saying a word
leaving the truly royal dinner unfinished... His self-control shocked, involuntarily
commanding one’s respect and at the same time hatred of him for everything he had
done...
The day passed in complete silence, the night was approaching. My nerves were
strung to the limit. I expected something truly awful. Feeling it coming with the whole
of my self, I tried to stay as calm as I could, but my hands trembled with wild
overexcitation, and panic crawled into my heart freezing it to death. What was
prepared for me behind the heavy iron door? What new atrocity did Caraffa invent this
time? Unfortunately, I did not wait too long to know it. A small, dry and elderly priest
came for me right at midnight and took me to the already familiar terrible basement...
And there... my beloved father hung high on iron chains with a thorn ring on his
neck... Caraffa was sitting in his favourite enormous wooden arm-chair and sullenly
looked at the scene.

He turned, giving me an empty and indifferent glance, and calmly pronounced:
– Well, choose, Isidora – either you give me what I ask, or your father will be
burnt in the morning... There is no sense in torturing him. Therefore – you decide.
Everything depends only on you.

The world turned upside down! I had to gather all my remaining forces in order
not to fall down right in front of Caraffa. It all appeared very simple – he decided that
my father would not live... and this was not subject to an appeal... There was nobody
to stand up for us or to ask for protection. There was nobody to help us... This man’s
word was law, to which nobody dared object. Well, those who could dare simply did
not wish to...
Never in my life had I felt so helpless and useless! I could not save my father.
Otherwise I would betray what we lived for... and he would never forgive me for that.
That is why I had to do the most frightful thing. I just had to watch how the "holy"
monster called the Pope cold-bloodedly sent my kind father right to the fire...

My father was silent... I looked right into his kind and warm eyes and asked about
forgiveness... because I could not do what I promised to do... because he suffered...
because I could not save him... and because I was still alive...
– I will destroy him, father! I promise you! Otherwise, we all die in vain. I will
destroy him, no matter what it costs me. I believe in it, even if nobody else does... – I
mentally swore to him with my life that I would destroy the monster.
My father was unspeakably sad but still firm and proud. Only deep and unspoken
anguish nested in his tender grey eyes... Tied by heavy chains, he could not even give

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