Page 291 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

– Forgive me, Madonna, but I must take you to your rooms, otherwise they can
execute me for disobedience. I am truly sorry... – The old priest pronounced in a hoarse
voice.

I firmly hugged my father once again, absorbing his wonderful warmth for the
last time... and left the torture room without turning back and seeing nothing around,
being almost blind from the constantly streaming tears. The walls of the basement
"wobbled" and I had to stop, grasping at the stone ledges in order not to fall. Blind
with unbearable pain, I plodded on without understanding where I was and where I
was going...
Stella quietly cried, being absolutely unashamed of the large bitter tears that rolled
down her cheeks. I looked at Anna. She tenderly hugged Isidora and it seemed that she
went away very far from us, probably re-living those last frightful earthly days together
with her mother... Suddenly I felt very lonely and cold, as if a sullen, black and heavy
cloud covered everything around... My soul ached and became painfully empty, like a
well, which once was filled with pure living water, but now ran dry... I turned to look
at the old Man. He shone! A shining, warm, gold wave streamed from him, generously
enveloping Isidora... Tears twinkled in his sad grey eyes. Isidora was very far away and
continued her sad story, paying no attention to anybody.

Finally I found myself in my room and dropped on my bed. There were no more
tears – just a terrible and naked emptiness and a soul-blinding despair...
I could not, did not want to believe in what was going on! Although I waited for
it day after day, now I could neither realize nor accept this frightfully inhuman reality.
I did not wish the morning to come... It will bring horror and I did not have my usual
firm confidence in that I can bear all that without breaking or betraying my father and
myself... The feeling of guilt for his suddenly and too prematurely broken life leaned
heavily on me like a mountain... Finally pain stunned me, tearing my tormented heart
into tiniest pieces...
To my enormous surprise (and most awful distress) I jumped out of bed because
of the noise behind the door and understood that... I had slept! How could it be
possible?! How could I fall asleep at all??? Probably our imperfect human body does
not always submit to our desires and in some of the severest vital moments defends
itself to survive. So I too, being unable to suffer more, just "went" away into rest to
save my dying soul. And now it was late – they came to take me to my father’s
execution...

The morning was light and clear. Fleecy white clouds swam high in the pure blue
sky; the sun rose victoriously, merrily and brightly. The day promised to be wonderful
and sunny like the approaching spring! Among this fresh ready to wake up life, my
exhausted soul writhed and moaned, submerging into deep, cold and gloomy
darkness...
An enormous "ready to use" fire towered in the middle of the small sun-lit square,
where I was brought in a covered carriage... I looked at it inwardly shuddering, unable
to take my eyes from it. Courage left me. Fear came instead. I did not wish to see what
would happen. It promised to be terrible...

Sullen and sleepy people gradually filled the square. They just woke up and were

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