Page 42 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

arm-chair and began to prepare the instruments. There was certainly nothing pleasant
in all that, but I persistently continued to watch everything he did and mentally
repeated to myself that everything would be all right and I would not surrender, not
for the world.

– Don’t be afraid, now I’ll give you an injection and you will see and feel
nothing, – the doctor said.
– I don’t want the injection, – I objected, – I want to see how it looks.

– Do you want to see your tonsils?! – He was
surprised. I proudly nodded.
– Believe me, there is nothing pleasant in them to look at, – the doctor said, –
and it will be painful for you. I cannot let you do that.

– You will not anaesthetize me, or I shall not do it at all, – I insisted. – Why don’t
you give me the right of choice? Just because I am small, it does not mean that I have
no right to choose how I should accept my pain!
The doctor looked at me with his eyes widely open and it seemed that he could
not believe what he had just heard. For some reason it suddenly became very
important for me that he believed me. My poor nerves were already at breaking point
and I felt that only a bit more and treacherous tears would pour down my tense face,
which I could not allow to happen under any circumstances.

– Please, please, I swear that I shall never tell this to anybody, – I still
entreated him. He gave me a long look, then sighed and said:
– I shall let you, if you tell me why you need it.

I became confused. I think I didn't understand then very well what had made me
to reject the ordinary "saving" anaesthesia so persistently, but I forbade myself to
relax, understanding that I needed to find an answer very quickly if I did not want this
wonderful doctor to change his mind so everything would go the ordinary way.
– I am afraid of pain so much and have now decided to overcome it. If you help
me, I will be very grateful to you, – I said, blushing.

My problem was that I could not lie at all. And I saw that the doctor understood
that at once.
Therefore without giving him a chance to say anything, I fired:
Several days ago I stopped feeling pain and I want to check it! The doctor gave
me a long and inquisitive look.
Have you told anybody about it? – He asked.

– No. Nobody knows yet; – I answered and told him what had happened at the
skating rink.
– Well, all right then. Let’s try, – the doctor said. – But if you feel pain, you
already will not be able to tell me about it, understood? Therefore at once you should
lift your hand, agreed? – I nodded.

To tell the truth I was not sure at all why I started all that, and also I was not
totally sure whether I would be able to manage that and not have to feel bitterly sorry
about this crazy story. I saw the doctor preparing the anaesthetic injection and putting

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