Page 130 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

Christ in any church, to whom one can pray, or talk or open one’s heart? And is that
really so that the House of God only means His death? One day I asked a priest why
we did not pray to a living God. He looked at me as if at an importunate fly and said
that "it was done to prevent us from forgetting that he (God) had given His life for us,
redeeming our sins, and now we always must remember that we are unworthy of Him
(?!) And repent of our sins, as much as possible"... However if he has already
redeemed all our sins then for what we should repent? And if we must repent, then
His atonement is a lie? The priest got very angry and said that I had heretical
thoughts and I must atone for them, reading "Our Father" (!) twenty times in the
evening. I think, comments are unnecessary here...

I could go on at great length,
because all of that strongly irritated me
then. I had thousands of questions to
which nobody gave any answers, but
only advised me to "believe", which I
could never do, because before I come
to believe, I need to understand why,
and if there was no logic in "faith", then
I considered it to be a "search for a Church in Vilnius (Lithuania), on
black cat in a black room", and neither the trembling golden altar of which the bleeding God is
my heart nor my soul needed such faith. also "hanged" ...
Not because I had a "dark" soul (like some told me) which did not need God, on the
contrary, I think that my soul was light enough to understand and accept, but the
matter was that there was nothing to accept... Besides, what can be explained here, if
people killed their God and then decided that it would more "correct" to worship
Him? In my opinion, it would be better if they had not killed Him but tried to learn
from Him as many things as possible, if He indeed was a real God... For some
reason I felt much closer to our "old Gods", the carved statues of which were in
abundance both in our city and the whole of Lithuania. They were amusing and warm,
merry and angry, sad and severe. These gods were not so incomprehensibly "tragic"
like, for example, Christ to whom shockingly expensive churches were dedicated, as
if somebody really tried to atone for sins.

The "old" Lithuanian Gods in my hometown Alytus, home and warm, like a simple friendly family ...
To me these Gods were kind protagonists of fairy-tales and looked like our
parents – they could be kind and affectionate, but if necessary, they could to punish
us severely when we misbehaved too much. They were a lot nearer to our heart than
that incomprehensible and distant God which had His terrible death at men’s hands.
I would like to ask the faithful to try not to be indignant, on reading the lines

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